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Peter went through four crises while following Jesus. I imagine it was a crises when Jesus called him: part of him must have regretted leaving his family and his trade. But his love for Jesus and his hope enabled him to get over this. Then there was the crises when he discovered Jesus was not as he would have wanted him to be. He would have preferred a Jesus who was prophetic and messianic, who didn't insist on washing the disciples' feet, who didn't speak of dying. The greatest crises was when Jesus became weak and died. Lastly, when Peter denied him - and this was the hardest - when he lost all the illusions about himself.
Losing illusions involves much pain and grieving. We all live more or less on illusions which protect our vulnerability. When these come crumbling down, we are faced with a terrible emptiness; this is rather like death. Four stages are gone through before the acceptance of death : refusal, revolt, bargaining and depression.
The grieving process can be a long one. But when it is over, we are re-born again in truth.
And the truth always sets us free.
Jean Vanier
Community and Growth
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