In the Gospel according to Mathew (14,16), Jesus has compassion for the crowds that had gathered around him and so he tells his disciples to feed them.
“But we only have four loaves and two fish!” they protested.
Very well, that is enough. Feed them!
It is amazing. Every time Jesus calls me to do something, I keep telling him:” But I only have so little to offer”; “I am weak”; “I have a lot of limitations”; “I haven’t got what it takes”; I cannot, I cannot, I am not able to!”
And the Lord keeps insisting: “That little is enough. It will do.”
That’s right. No matter how insignificantly I can contribute … it will be enough, because He will make sure to provide the rest! He will fill in the gaps that are inevitably left by my efforts!
When I was called to fulfill the role of leader in our (prayer) group I protested my inadequacy for this job. I must have made life really miserable over the years for my catechists through my persistent protests that others could do the job much better and that I did not have the right resources. All to no avail. My complaining apparently always fell on deaf, uncompassionate ears.
Lately, the Lord succeeded in penetrating my stubbornness and was able to shed some light on this predicament. Through the above Gospel verse he calmed my fears. Why was I imagining that everything depended on me? Why was I so conceited as to feel that He actually needed me, or anybody else for that matter? No, no, no. You got it all wrong. God does not need you to fill that post. It is you who needs to be in that role. You need it for your own spiritual well being. Just think …
Think of all the times you made a mess of things. What failures! How humiliating!
Well, isn’t that precisely what your pride needs to cut it down to acceptable proportions?
And what about the times you inevitably stepped on other people’s toes? How did that affect your unquenchable thirst for approval? The desire for affection has such a strong grip on you that it is only through such help that you are able to give it up.
And what about comfort? You are such a lazy person that you never give up your attempts to settle down smugly into cozy corners always dreaming of a Utopia that would let you lead a comfortable, problem-free life! Well, the Lord has certainly got around that obstacle as well!
Yes Lord, you are quite right. And I must admit that you’ve got a marvelous way to treat my spiritual ailments.
The Word of God is quite clear in this respect: “No idolater can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. No idolater can call God: “Father”. And all through my life idolatry was the order of the day. This one huge untouchable idol by the name of “I” who is always expecting homage, applause, approval, satisfaction, comfort, success ….expecting the whole universe to revolve around him and to be at his beck and call ...
Thank you Lord for taking such good care of me …
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